I have a favour to ask. Does anyone here have a stopwatch on them? Because I don't have a watch on me and I'm going to go for the record this evening. When any journalists here write this up I'd like them to give an accurate time. So if you're all ready?
Thanks to Brett from Chicago for the outfit Photo credit: Dave Harris |
Good evening!
Believe it or not I've not done an IML step-down speech before so I had a look at some of the previous IMLs to find out what they did, and some of them brought a prop out on stage. For instance, Steven Webber brought out the Texas flag, and you may be wondering what prop I've brought with me. Well, in solidarity with another European IML I've brought The Stefan Mueller Songbook.
[I held up a copy of the "book". Huge cheer from the crowd: applause, wolf whistles, the lot.]
Don't worry, he didn't give it to me. I stole it from him. Because no IML should ever be allowed to sing!
Can you believe it was a year ago that I was having my contestant interview and making some fairly outrageous claims of what I'd do if I won, safe in the knowledge that no skinny white British guy would ever go on to win IML?
I knew that it was the 25th anniversary year of the competition, and if somebody wanted to win they would have to have a large manifesto. So I said that if I won I would: give up my job, try to travel to more countries than any IML had been to before, try and cross-pollinate all the communities and share what was best about them, and I would document it all on the web.
Hmmm .. did I achieve that?
Well the first one, giving up my job, turned out to be the easy part because my employers were watching the contest on the web. As soon as I won they started processing a sabbatical for me ... and it was quite widely reported in the press that I was on sabbatical. Unfortunately it didn't quite pan out the way we intended and for the last few months I've been unemployed, so now I have to look for a new job. But that did enable me to go travelling full-time for one year. Which means that tonight I can bring you personal greetings from every city that I visited during the year.
[Cheers and applause .. up to the point where I said:]
And I'm going to do it!!!
Dave [my partner] has listened to this speech many times and every time I've listed a different number of cities, so I probably won't get them all. But here's where I've been in alphabetical order.
Now I know what you're thinking. This is going to take longer than a roll call of titleholders in a bar in San Francisco. So I'm going to ask for your assistance: when I call out a city if you're from that area you can cheer but please keep it short.
- Is there anyone here from AMSTERDAM? [A few people cheered] I was there last August for Canal Pride.
- How about BELFAST? [One clap] I went there two days after Christmas with my partner to emcee Mr Belfast Leather.
- How about CLEVELAND? [Big cheer] I was there in April for a great event called CLAW.
- How about DALLAS? [Howls, some gunshots, strong smell of barbecue] If there's anyone here who likes bears then Texas is one state that you have to go to. Big men, big drinks but I couldn't understand a word they were saying! It was the only US state where I needed an interpreter. I kept asking: "Could you say that again? ... No, could you slow it down? ... How about saying the words individually?" I still have no idea what they were saying. But I had great fun there.
- Next I'm up to "F": FORT LAUDERDALE! [Big yells] I went there for my favourite event, Dungeon 801, where I had lots of new experiences.
- Anyone here from HAMBURG? [A handful of people] I was there for Mr Leather Europe, which was held on a decommissioned battleship. There were six contestants, but Sa'ad - we all thought he was from Sweden. After he won he grabbed the microphone and told everyone there he was from Iraq and I thought: "We're going to have an Iraqi on stage at IML next year! ... That will be interesting."
- The next one isn't a place it's an event, and that's INFERNO. [Cheers] And I don't just want to thank the guys there but all the SM players who adopted me during the year and expanded my education.
- "K" is for KANSAS CITY. [Loud hollers] There is so much going on in the Midwest but in Kansas City alone they have Kansas City Leather University travelling around and teaching SM, they had a Hepatitis vaccination programme happening in the bars, there's a lot more going on and it's listed on my website ... Apparently I got very drunk there. They tell me that I joined in 'puppy play'. I don't remember that but they were threatening to "put IML sick on E-bay".
- LIEGE - anyone here from Belgium? [Silence] Don't worry, I was there representing IML at a very good European leather weekend.
- Next up would be LONDON. [A few polite yells] There's a very good bar there, if anyone's in London I think you should go to the HOIST. That's not the only reason I went there, I also made a promise to my partner than I'd go home every month for at least one week. That worked up until April when he was sent on a business trip, so the one week I was home he was in America!
- LOS ANGELES? [Applause] I went there for a couple of days last November where I went to the Faultline bar and met members of the AVATAR club.
- MANCHESTER, UK? [Few shouts] That was a fun one because that was Europride, which attracted a quarter of a million visitors to the city centre. I was there with the Manchester leather club walking with their flag, and I've never seen so many families, children and members of the public applauding a gay pride parade.
- How about MUNICH? [Yodels] I was there for Bavarian Mr Leather which was at the same time as a Starkbierfest, which is "strong beer festival". I'm allergic to beer so the leather club gave me carafes of white wine! I do like chest punching but I actually got bruises on the back of my head from where I passed out ...
You can just see the 2004 finalists waiting in the wings to come onstage. It's going to be a long wait! Photo credit: Dave Harris |
- Anyone here from NEW ORLEANS? [Yells] I was there for the Leather Leadership Conference. It's an educational event and they don't have much money so I said "don't worry, I'll fly standby" - not realising that it was the 'Spring Break' weekend. It took me three days and two nights to get there in the same clothes. Because once your luggage is checked in, that's it, you don't see it again until you get to the other end. I had a day at Heathrow, half a day at JFK, a day at LaGuardia, overnight at St Louis ... it was a long haul to get there but it was worth it for the Leather Leadership Conference.
- OMAHA? [Few shouts] That's where I saw my first tornado! I wanted to go out and play but our hotel had a rule that if there was a tornado you had to close all the windows and curtains and go in the bathroom, which had no windows. So we did the tornado drill, but I was really there for International Ms Leather (IMsL). [I've had to edit out the next bit of the speech but I promise you, it was really funny.]
- OSLO, Norway ... anyone here from Norway? [So quiet you could hear two crickets having sex on the back row] It's a beautiful country. It was the last European trip I did and when I was there they took me out on a boat going around a fjord and I've never seen more beautiful scenery. If you want to go somewhere to relax, go to Norway, and if you want to have fun visit the leather club in Oslo.
- How about OTTAWA? [Wow, Canadians are noisy] I have an apology to make. I wanted to go to Canada more than once during my year but it was really difficult trying to sort out my calendar and jigsaw in all the events, for example trying to make sure I was on the same side of the Atlantic for a couple of weeks at a time to get over jet lag. But I did get to Canada once and that was to Ottawa where they had "Beefcake Bingo" to raise money for Bruce House. When I arrived I asked them "Who's the beefcake?" They said "you". My reply: "Don't you have Canadian Trading Standards? They'll charge you with misrepresentation!"
- Where's next? "P" - PALM SPRINGS. [Big yells] Now that was fun. Palm Springs Leather Pride was a great event, it's held in November and I'd recommend that you go along.
- Next up REYKJAVIK, Iceland. [Quite a few shouts] That was fantastic. It was a bit like our honeymoon as well, because Dave and I signed the London Partnerships Register in June on our tenth anniversary. We had a holiday planned after our registration but we had to cancel it after I won IML, so instead Dave came with me to Iceland. It's the first leather summit that I've been on that included whale watching and swimming in a geothermally heated lagoon, and watching a geyser fire into the air. That was a really good week.
- ROME - anybody here from Italy? [Few yells] I went there in December for a leather event called Catacombs.
- Next up is SAINT PETERSBURG, Florida. [More shouts] I spent so much time in Europe explaining to people that I was going to St Petersburg, Florida not St Petersburg, Russia.
- SAN FRANCISCO. [Huge applause] What can I say about San Francisco that isn't bitchy...? [pause] TULSA! No, I'm joking, San Francisco's lovely. Except that they had a roll call of titleholders and the whole city got up on stage.
- TULSA! [Big cheers] I love the Midwest - there's just something about them. They don't care if you're a titleholder, they don't care if you're one of the beautiful people, by and large you can go up to anyone out there and compliment them and rub their furry chest and they'll let you, it's cool! Big drinks, big food, big heart ... good stuff.
- WASHINGTON DC. [Yells] I was there in January for Mid-Atlantic Leather and this is what I remember from that event: "Do you remember me?", "Do you remember me?", "Do you remember me?", "Do you remember me?", "Do you remember me?", "Do you remember me?", "Do you remember me?" ... This is not a memory test! There were 200 people I remembered at MAL and not one of them asked me "Do you remember me?" All the people that I vaguely remembered from somewhere came up to me, but you have to give me a city and a month so that I can narrow it down.
- ZURICH - anyone here from Switzerland? [Thomas Schoch's partner called out] Someone at the back there. That was a good fun too, I was there for Mr Fetish Switzerland.
So that's my year although I know I've missed at least one ... oh, that's right. Anyone here from CHICAGO? [Biggest cheer of any city] I think I came to Chicago almost as much as I went to London. I was here for the Pantheon Awards, Cellblock Leatherfest, Mr Chicago Leather, both IMLs ...
Part of what I said I'd do is not just go to these places but also share what was the best from each community and the projects that are happening there. I've been doing that on my website all year: www.iml2003.com - but I also want to generalise a bit and say what America can learn from Europe and what Europe can learn from America.
So what can Europe learn from America? You have a deep and wonderful leather community here, that's so well developed you have lots of events away from commercial bars and nightclubs and alcohol. For example the Leather Leadership Conference, Dungeon 801, the Leather Archives & Museum (LA&M), bike runs, play parties, bondage clubs all happening away from bars. You also have leather social groups - some cities have six leather clubs or more. And you have events with hundreds or thousands of people coming along. Part of the reason for that is because in one continent you pretty much have one shared language and one currency, so you can come together easily.
In Europe if we want to hold a leather event and attract thousands people from all over the continent we'd need a lot more than just a sign language interpreter (who, by the way, is doing a fantastic job). [Applause for the interpreter] We'd need at least eight translators just to cover the major languages like French, German, Spanish, Italian etc. and that's not including Estonian, Russian, Swedish ... we'd need so many interpreters it doesn't make huge events viable. If we have pan-European events they are basically huge parties with bars. Nice as that is, it doesn't give us the cultural depth you have here in America. But we are going to get there one day. We are going to have our European branch of the LA&M. We are going to have BDSM educational events that unite more than one country. And when that happens, we need to learn from America how you do it. I hope you'll help us.
I'm getting into my stride now... Photo credit: Dave Harris |
And what can America learn from Europe? Over there we only hold, on average, ten leather contests a year and they're feeders for IML. It's not considered "an essential part of your leather journey". If you want to be a Spanner Trustee, or teach SM, or be a volunteer, you just go and do it. In America I've lost count of the number of times I've heard that before you can do any of that stuff you have to get a leather title first. Or "You see that guy over there? He's been volunteering in our community for years but he'll never get the recognition he deserves because he doesn't have a title." That's terrible. I think we need to value people for the work that they do and not the title they hold.
A month ago I was privileged to emcee the Mr Chicago Leather contest. And I asked the organisers if we could hold a roll call of NON-titleholders. The crowd in the bar thought it was funny and a bit of a joke until the twelve people came up on stage and we realised how much volunteering those twelve people had done. I made them a symbolic representation of every volunteer that's ever gone unrecognised because they don't have a title and the crowd went wild.
The next time you're having an event, instead of having a roll call of titleholders so that they get another free round of applause - consider having a roll call of volunteers.
So that was the big stuff. Now how has the year affected me personally? I started off arrogantly assuming that I was an SM player. Part of my contestant interview was about the SM workshops I'd attended and was I a player? So I assumed that as I'd won IML I must be good at SM. Then I started coming to some of the BDSM events over here and I realised that I wasn't even on the starting block. So I spent the rest of the year playing catch-up!
[I've had to make another small edit here. Really, you should have been there.]
For that I have to thank some incredible Dominants that I've met over the year. There are too many to list them all but I would like to pick a few names to thank them for taking this little scared guy and giving him his first experiences in things beyond what we do in the UK. That would be Sebastian, Scott, Mitch, Jeff, Joe, Chuck ... You'll notice these people don't go by titles such as Master, Lord, Emperor, Daddy - because they let their skills speak for themselves. Besides which, when they come crashing into your room to do a take down and catch you by surprise there's not a lot of time for protocol!
[At this point I looked above me and to the sides of the stage]
You know, now would be a good time to catch me unawares so I'm getting nervous.
[I looked up again]
Yes, one of them does abseil.
[The audience fell silent. Tumbleweed rolled past me onstage. I couldn't work out why that joke had died. At the end of the speech I left the stage and all the stage crew asked "What the hell is abseiling?" I didn't realise that in America it's called "rappeling". Apologies to everyone who was confused.]
It's not just the Dominants this year who have taught me. I've learned an enormous amount from the submissives I've met as well. There is nothing more beautiful in our community than a well trained submissive. Especially when they come up to you, present themselves on one knee, one hand behind their back, and they say "I see you haven't had a chance to go to the bar for a few hours, so I took the liberty of buying you a drink!"
Again the list of submissives I've met is too long, but I would like to nominate some as examples. That would be slave pug, boy ric, boy ed and boy dan. You have taught me this year that submissives have just as much power to change things in our community and to be leaders as the Dominants. You've also taught me that you don't need to be gay, or male, or have a masculine sensibility to have the heart of a leatherman - and for that I thank you.
Joined onstage by Tammie Nelson, IMsL 2003 Photo credit: Dave Harris |
There's somebody else who has impressed me greatly this year. She has followed a travel schedule just as gruelling as mine, even when the airline has lost her luggage or she's turned up on crutches. She is the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom's Volunteer Co-ordinator. She is the President of NLA Indianapolis. She is Great Lakes Ms Leather Pride 2002 and the current International Ms Leather! Please welcome TAMMIE NELSON!
[Tammie hobbled onstage on crutches. Big hugs, photos, applause.]
You can tell that we're a married couple because we're seen everywhere together and we never have sex!
Tammie: "Not that I didn't try! ... I don't have very long tonight because John actually told me that if I talked too long he'd shove me off the stage! He wants his time tonight and he's deserved it. I want to thank you John for being my brother, my friend, my role model, my inspiration and the best IML that I have ever known."
"I'm very upset to be losing my husband tonight but I know that I'm getting a new one at the end of this contest, and he's got big shoes to fill. You've been so much help and support to me this year that I thank you, and I love you."
[At this point I was getting choked up, so I did a very British thing and insulted her]
Thank you, now get off the stage!
[Tammie hobbled off]
I've only got a minute or so left so a few quick thank yous. I promise it won't be like the Oscars:
- The first is to Guy Irwin and Kurt from the HOIST London. They are the reason why the last few Mr Hoists before me all placed in the top ten at IML. They are great mentors, great examples of leathermen and great friends. [To the audience] And if you ever come to London and don't visit the Hoist you'll have me to answer to!
- I have to thank Chuck Renslow and all the IML volunteers and staff for putting on this event and changing my life.
- There has been a huge outpouring of goodwill this year from the community - probably every year, but I felt it this year. People making leather clothes for me, inviting me to events, paying for my airfare, letting me stay in their homes, buying me food or drink, covering up my mistakes so they don't get in the press, being a minder for me, allowing me to vent in private - the list goes on and on. I'm going to do one global thank you for all the goodwill I've had this year, I'll try to get round to you individually but thank you all.
- I've been in a relationship for 11 years and when you picked me, you picked two people. There's someone who's paid our mortgage all year, and he's also been my minder, proofreader, chauffeur, picture editor, photographer, conscience, best friend, and about twice a year - according to our pre-nuptial - my lover! He's wearing red and he's always got a camera round his neck - he's my other half: Dave Harris.
Okay, I'd better wrap this up. A lot of people have asked what I'm going to be doing when I'm not the current IML any more. (I'll always be an IML, just not the current one.) So I'm still going to help with fundraisers, I will still attend events. I'm not so keen on being a judge any more if that's okay with you. I don't mind being an emcee though, because you get to drink, you get to sleep in on Saturday mornings and you get to vent onstage!
I'm also passionate about supporting SM events and SM education. So if you're having an event and you need some help let me know and I'll see what I can do.
I'm also going to keep campaigning for the Spanner Trust. In the UK it's currently illegal to cause or receive any injuries for sexual pleasure which are more than "transient or trifling", which makes many SM activities illegal, and the Spanner Trust is campaigning to change the law. (For more information read my column about the Trust's work.) On the May 18th I became a trustee of the Spanner Trust. Well, they offered me a job which was hard work with no pay and I thought: "I can do that!"
I am going to finish now because tonight is not about me, it's about the next guy. I would love to stand here and tell you about the Revise F65 Project in Norway, about Vagevuur in the Netherlands, about Magnet in the heart of San Francisco. I would love to tell you more about the work of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, about the Leather Leadership Conference, about all the good things that are going on round the world. But I've had all year to talk about that, and I will carry on doing so through my website: www.iml2003.com
I started this speech by saying that I wanted to break a record. I didn't tell you which record it was. It was "the speech delivered in the best British accent". I hope you feel that I succeeded in that record and that I also represented you honourably for the last twelve months.
Thank you.
John Pendal
International Mr Leather 2003
